Do You Have Style? What Kind of Parenting “Style” is the Best?
Every parent has a parenting style, but which style is the most
effective? There are 4 different parenting styles. Diana Baumrind
coined the first three parenting styles which are: Permissive, Authoritative,
and Authoritarian. The fourth style being Uninvolved (also referred to as
rejecting and neglecting) parenting, was added later (Grobman, 2008).
effective? There are 4 different parenting styles. Diana Baumrind
coined the first three parenting styles which are: Permissive, Authoritative,
and Authoritarian. The fourth style being Uninvolved (also referred to as
rejecting and neglecting) parenting, was added later (Grobman, 2008).
“There are two important elements of parenting: parental responsiveness
and parental demandingness. Parental responsiveness refers to the extent
to which parents intentionally enhanced individuality, regularity, and self-assertion”
( Sartaj, 2010). Another important aspect of parenting is the level of
demandingness placed upon the child. “Parental demandingness refers to the
claims parents make on children to become integrated into the family whole,
by their maturity demands, supervision, disciplinary efforts and willingness to confront
the child who disobeys” ( Sartaj, 2010). Each of the parenting styles have differing
levels of responsiveness and demandingness.
and parental demandingness. Parental responsiveness refers to the extent
to which parents intentionally enhanced individuality, regularity, and self-assertion”
( Sartaj, 2010). Another important aspect of parenting is the level of
demandingness placed upon the child. “Parental demandingness refers to the
claims parents make on children to become integrated into the family whole,
by their maturity demands, supervision, disciplinary efforts and willingness to confront
the child who disobeys” ( Sartaj, 2010). Each of the parenting styles have differing
levels of responsiveness and demandingness.
To sum it all up, our parenting style is defined mainly by the amount
of responsiveness we have towards our children, and also by how high
of demands we have on them. To be the best parent we can be for our
children, we need to have a balance of both responsiveness and demandingness.
If you are feeling a little inadequate, don’t worry, we all feel that way at times!
None of us are perfect, but the more we learn about how to be a better parent,
the more we can use that information in our own relationships with our children.
of responsiveness we have towards our children, and also by how high
of demands we have on them. To be the best parent we can be for our
children, we need to have a balance of both responsiveness and demandingness.
If you are feeling a little inadequate, don’t worry, we all feel that way at times!
None of us are perfect, but the more we learn about how to be a better parent,
the more we can use that information in our own relationships with our children.
When looking at the above graphic, you may be able to identify which style your own parents’ used, and also pinpoint which style you naturally gravitate towards. You may follow in the footsteps of how your parents parented or do the exact opposite.
What does it mean to “parent”? A parent is “a person who brings up and cares for another” (Parent, 2018).
“I have a friend to whom I look up to in the way he parents. He has a little motto that he gladly shares with others: “We don’t raise them to keep them”. So in ‘bringing up’ and ‘raising’ children: parenting- our goal should be an end result of self-sufficient, well adjusted adults.” -Micah Taylor
Children are in a full learning stage of life. They need to be taught (here is where the parenting comes in) how to make choices, weigh options,consider consequences,and to understand that they have value and so do others.
Parenting Styles
Authoritative parenting takes into account the worth of each child and being sensitive to the uniqueness of the individual. Permissive and Uninvolved ‘parenting’ is like setting a child loose without any instruction. There is also Authoritarian which disregards the need for children to explore, make choices and sometimes mistakes---therefore a lack of responsiveness. “As we raise children to live as humanly as possible, to be themselves and live their own life, we as parents and educators should have a good understanding of the concept of freedom” (Kotaman, 2013). Children need parents who guide them in their choices, but also allow them freedom to make their own decisions.
Here is an example of authoritative parenting:
We love that in this video, the father explains why he and the mother feel a certain way. He expresses his love for the children and tries to guide their understanding. He is really setting them up for success in knowing how to deal with life problems when he isn’t going to be the ultimate authority in their lives.
The following are lists of outcomes of how different parenting styles affect children. This is why it matters! There are lasting effects on each of our children by the way that we treat them and teach them.
Child Outcomes (Grobman, 2008).
Authoritative Parenting:
- lively and happy disposition
- self-confident about ability to master tasks.
- well developed emotion regulation
- developed social skills
Authoritarian Parenting:
- anxious, withdrawn, and unhappy disposition
- poor reactions to frustration (girls are particularly likely to give up and boys become especially hostile)
- do well in school (studies may show authoritative parenting is comparable)
- not likely to engage in antisocial activities (ex: drug and alcohol abuse, vandalism, gangs)
Permissive Parenting:
- poor emotion regulation (under regulated)
- rebellious and defiant when desires are challenged.
- low persistence to challenging tasks
- antisocial behaviors
- (Similar outcomes by uninvolved parenting)
Back to the opening question. What parenting style is best?
Out of the three photos shown, what emotion would you prefer to be displayed by your children most often? We agree, it is quite clear that authoritative parenting cultivates the best attributes and is the most loving style of parenting.
If you are thinking that there are things you need to change or work on, be a transitional character. This means being someone who decides they are going to change the path they are on, the path that has been a trend in their family. Be a pioneer and forge a new and better path.
*Please share with us in the comments any thoughts or insights you have had throughout the lesson.
Questions to ponder/respond to:
- How would an authoritative parent handle the issue of setting a bedtime for a 10 year old?
- How do you think a authoritative parent would handle a child who has a tantrum in the grocery store regularly?
- What are some ways you can apply authoritative parenting into your parent-child relationship?
- Which parenting style do you think you are right now and why?
- Think about a current struggle you are facing with your children. Maybe it’s tantrums at the grocery store, maybe you feel your children aren’t showing respect to you as a parent, or maybe you are having a hard time getting them to listen. Whatever it is, think about how you could apply principles of authoritative parenting. List your ideas in the comments to help others, they are likely experiencing some of the same struggles you are.
Linked here is a quick quiz to analyze your parenting style:
*PLEASE fill out a short survey about the learning experience:
Disclaimer: The authors of this online curriculum are not therapists, and are not authorized to give personalized advice to any of the readers. The content of this lesson plan is the creation of the authors alone and does not represent any other entity or organization.
References
Grobman, K.H. (2008). Diana Baumrind's (1966) Prototypical Descriptions of 3
Kotaman, H. (2013). Freedom and Child Rearing: Critic of Parenting Practices
from a New Perspective.Procedia - Social And Behavioral Sciences, 82(World Conference on Psychology and Sociology 2012),39-50. doi:10.1016/j.sbspro.2013.06.222
Parent (2018). Merriam-Webster. Retrieved from
Parental Demandingness and Responsiveness Chart [Chart]. (n.d.). In Vanderbuilt University.
Rogers, M. (2014). Authoritative Parenting- The Cosby Show. [Video
Sartaj, B., & Aslam, N. (2010). Role of Authoritative and Authoritarian Parenting in Home,
Health and Emotional Adjustment. Journal of Behavioral Sciences, 20, 47-67. Retrieved
February 7, 2018.
Love the Cosby show clip! I think that I can be an authoritative parent, but as my daughter is almost turning 1 year old I think the real parenting games are about to begin! I try to always practice talking to my daughter how I would talk to another adult in that I don't "command" her to do things and hopefully that example will rub off on her :)
ReplyDeleteCiara!
DeleteThanks so much for your comment! I love that you try not to "command" your daughter. I think it's so important for children to have appropriate options given to them so that they feel they have some control over their lives. Life with a 1 year old will be an adventure. It's incredible how much of a personality our little ones have!
Thanks for your comment Ciara!