Natural and Logical Consequences: Tool of the Parenting Trade
Natural and Logical Consequences
Tool of the Parenting Trade
As much as we try to teach our children and encourage them to make the
correct choices, they will stumble and need to experience consequences---discipline.
But what’s effective?
“Successful discipline requires the imposition of clear and consistent rules,
autonomy support, perspective-taking, and acceptance rather than rejection
of the child” (Grusec, 2017).
correct choices, they will stumble and need to experience consequences---discipline.
But what’s effective?
“Successful discipline requires the imposition of clear and consistent rules,
autonomy support, perspective-taking, and acceptance rather than rejection
of the child” (Grusec, 2017).
Before we get too far into this topic, watch this short introduction video about natural an
d logical consequences I (Lacey) created. I am going to share some personal experiences with
natural and logical consequences and some insights from research I recently found.
d logical consequences I (Lacey) created. I am going to share some personal experiences with
natural and logical consequences and some insights from research I recently found.
One of the most effective ways to teach children is to use logical consequences.
“Logical consequences refer to behavioral limitations that address the transgression-induced
problem and require children to take responsibility for their actions” (Mageau, 2018).
“Logical consequences refer to behavioral limitations that address the transgression-induced
problem and require children to take responsibility for their actions” (Mageau, 2018).
When we use logical consequences, we are able to help children naturally make connections
between their behavior, and outcomes of their behavior. For example, if a child plays
outside making mud pies, and then leaves dirty hand prints all over the door, then
the logical consequence of their action is that they get to clean up the handprints
that they made. When we give children responsibility for their actions, it allows them
to understand that the choices they make have repercussions. “It is important for a
child to learn that certain choices and behaviors lead to predictable outcomes. To be truly
effective, the consequence must be logically associated with the action. When the consequence
of one's actions is arbitrary (i.e., not logically associated with the misdeed), the logical connection
cannot be made (Rasmussen, 2014).”
between their behavior, and outcomes of their behavior. For example, if a child plays
outside making mud pies, and then leaves dirty hand prints all over the door, then
the logical consequence of their action is that they get to clean up the handprints
that they made. When we give children responsibility for their actions, it allows them
to understand that the choices they make have repercussions. “It is important for a
child to learn that certain choices and behaviors lead to predictable outcomes. To be truly
effective, the consequence must be logically associated with the action. When the consequence
of one's actions is arbitrary (i.e., not logically associated with the misdeed), the logical connection
cannot be made (Rasmussen, 2014).”
Natural consequences are a little different from logical consequences. “Typically
parents do not need to embellish natural consequences, because the nature of the
consequence has taught the lesson” ( Rehme, n.d.). For example, when I (Lacey)
was growing up I would get so excited to go outside and play when it was finally summer!
Each year my mom would give me a pep talk about the importance of wearing sunscreen
outside. I have fair skin, and some red in my hair. Each year I would listen,
but state that I wouldn’t be outside long, and that I really wouldn’t need sunscreen.
I always assumed that a few hours in the sun would do me no harm and that
my skin would naturally tan. My mom didn’t force me to put it on and so outside I
ran. After the day was over and I was getting ready to sleep, without fail I would
look in the mirror and realize that I had gotten much more sun than I had originally
thought! In fact, I was burned to a crisp. Instead of punishing me, my mom would be
sympathetic to my plight and I would learn (again) that I personally needed
to wear sunscreen if I wanted to avoid the pain of a sunburn. In my example,
the natural consequence of not wearing sunscreen was the painful sunburn that
followed by outdoor adventure. One important note! When it comes to natural consequences,
you MUST intervene if your child’s wellbeing is at risk. Ex: Don’t let them touch
a hot burner to teach them that it will cause them physical harm!
parents do not need to embellish natural consequences, because the nature of the
consequence has taught the lesson” ( Rehme, n.d.). For example, when I (Lacey)
was growing up I would get so excited to go outside and play when it was finally summer!
Each year my mom would give me a pep talk about the importance of wearing sunscreen
outside. I have fair skin, and some red in my hair. Each year I would listen,
but state that I wouldn’t be outside long, and that I really wouldn’t need sunscreen.
I always assumed that a few hours in the sun would do me no harm and that
my skin would naturally tan. My mom didn’t force me to put it on and so outside I
ran. After the day was over and I was getting ready to sleep, without fail I would
look in the mirror and realize that I had gotten much more sun than I had originally
thought! In fact, I was burned to a crisp. Instead of punishing me, my mom would be
sympathetic to my plight and I would learn (again) that I personally needed
to wear sunscreen if I wanted to avoid the pain of a sunburn. In my example,
the natural consequence of not wearing sunscreen was the painful sunburn that
followed by outdoor adventure. One important note! When it comes to natural consequences,
you MUST intervene if your child’s wellbeing is at risk. Ex: Don’t let them touch
a hot burner to teach them that it will cause them physical harm!
The video that follows is a great resource in helping each of us as parents
understand how we can apply the principles of natural and logical consequences.
It illustrates a few different scenarios where natural and logical consequences
can be used to help your child learn that their behavior can affect their current
circumstances.
understand how we can apply the principles of natural and logical consequences.
It illustrates a few different scenarios where natural and logical consequences
can be used to help your child learn that their behavior can affect their current
circumstances.
Video Takeaways:
- Identify the Misbehavior
- Give a Warning
- Give a Consequence
- Tell Them Why
- Go Back to Positive Communication
In a study conducted to determine if logical consequences or mild punishments
were more effective, mothers claimed that logical consequences were the
best and more acceptable. Children who were polled said that logical consequences
and mild punishments were both effective in preventing transgressions, but
that logical consequences were preferred (Mageau, 2018).
were more effective, mothers claimed that logical consequences were the
best and more acceptable. Children who were polled said that logical consequences
and mild punishments were both effective in preventing transgressions, but
that logical consequences were preferred (Mageau, 2018).
(Mageau, 2018)
What would have been your response, had you been Eva’s mother? I know that I (Micah)
probably would have ended up putting the tools away myself after bedtime on the day
they were used. Or I would have hounded Eva to ‘do it now’ and babysat her through
it. What would she have learned? What did she learn by the way her mother passed
responsibility to her?
probably would have ended up putting the tools away myself after bedtime on the day
they were used. Or I would have hounded Eva to ‘do it now’ and babysat her through
it. What would she have learned? What did she learn by the way her mother passed
responsibility to her?
“Children are typically required to take responsibility by either engaging in active problem-solving (e.g., offer reparation; change their behavior) or by experiencing the changes that their parent must implement to stop their undesirable behaviors (e.g., when improperly used, loss of the toy/object until it is clear that children will not repeat the harmful behavior; change in schedule to meet time constraints). Introduced with sentences such as “This occurs, now it is time to”, “For now, this needs to be”, “Before this, this needs to happen”, or “This occurs, now there is no more time to”, logical consequences limit the child's behavioral repertoire, with the goal of solving the transgression-induced problem” (Mageau, 2018).
Implementing logical consequences isn’t easy. It takes a lot of thought, time, and effort to be able to come up with ways to teach children why their behavior is unacceptable. It takes patience as parents to not revert to old forms of discipline, to not lose our tempers, and to handle the grumbling that may follow as we make the decision of what logical consequence to use. I (Lacey) read this article a few years ago about natural and logical consequences. It has since been a favorite parenting article! While I understand that many of our readers may not be religious, I hope you enjoy the principles shared by this family. For me they were eye opening. In fact, my husband and I have loved this article so much, that when we talk about how to handle different mistakes that our children will make in the future, we try to brainstorm potential logical consequences so that we already have ideas when the time comes. I hope you enjoy this article as much as I have! Below is one of my favorite quotes from this article, followed by the link. It’s worth the read, I promise!
“Each time a child broke a house rule, we attempted to find a repercussion appropriate to the action. As parents, we needed to slow down and learn to act instead of react to a situation. Knowing we had a plan helped us defuse our own short tempers, and this newfound skill allowed us to step back emotionally to review each circumstance and decide what to do (Rehme, n.d.).”
“For discipline to be effective, the nature of desired behaviors must be clearly spelled out and consequences for violation of rules and requirements consistently applied. There is considerable evidence from longitudinal studies that inconsistent discipline at an earlier age predicts behavior problems at a later time” (Grusec, 2017). It is difficult to be consistent when trying to stick to a schedule or get things done. Sometimes life must slow down with children in order to implement a logical consequence or due to allowing natural consequences to take place, for example being late to an activity.
As you read the following “Diary of a 2 year old”, put yourself in the shoes of the child…
“I am 2. I am not terrible…I am frustrated. I am nervous, stressed out, overwhelmed, and confused.
I need a hug.”
From the diary of a 2-year-old:
Today I woke up and wanted to get dressed by myself but was told “No, we don’t have time,
let me do it.”
This made me sad.
I wanted to feed myself for breakfast but was told,
“No, you’re too messy, let me do it for you.”
This made me feel frustrated.
I wanted to walk to the car and get in on my own but was told, “No, we need to get going,
we don’t have time. Let me do it.”
This made me cry.
I wanted to get out of the car on my own but was told “No, we don’t have time, let me do it.”
This made me want to run away.
Later I wanted to play with blocks but was told “no, not like that, like this…”
I decided I didn’t want to play with blocks anymore. I wanted to play with a doll that someone
else had, so I took it. I was told “No, don’t do that! You have to share.”
I’m not sure what I did, but it made me sad. So I cried. I wanted a hug but was told
“No, you’re fine, go play”.
I’m being told it’s time to pick up. I know this because someone keeps saying,
“Go pick up your toys.”
I am not sure what to do, I am waiting for someone to show me.
“What are you doing? Why are you just standing there? Pick up your toys, now!”
I was not allowed to dress myself or move my own body to get to where I needed to go,
but now I am being asked to pick things up.
I’m not sure what to do. Is someone supposed to show me how to do this? Where do I start?
Where do these things go? I am hearing a lot of words but I do not understand what is being
asked of me. I am scared and do not move.
I lay down on the floor and cry.
When it was time to eat I wanted to get my own food but was told “no, you’re too little.
Let me do it.”
This made me feel small. I tried to eat the food in front of me but I did not put it there and
someone keeps saying “Here, try this, eat this…” and putting things in my face.
I didn’t want to eat anymore. This made me want to throw things and cry.
I can’t get down from the table because no one will let me…because I’m too small and
I can’t. They keep saying I have to take a bite. This makes me cry more. I’m hungry and
frustrated and sad. I’m tired and I need someone to hold me. I do not feel safe or in control.
This makes me scared. I cry even more.
I am 2. No one will let me dress myself, no one will let me move my own body where it needs
to go, no one will let me attend to my own needs.
However, I am expected to know how to share, “listen”, or “wait a minute”. I am expected to
know what to say and how to act or handle my emotions. I am expected to sit still or know
that if I throw something it might break….But, I do NOT know these things.
I am not allowed to practice my skills of walking, pushing, pulling, zipping, buttoning, pouring,
serving, climbing, running, throwing or doing things that I know I can do. Things
that interest me and make me curious, these are the things I am NOT allowed to do.
I am 2. I am not terrible…I am frustrated. I am nervous, stressed out, overwhelmed,
and confused.
I need a hug.
-Author unknown
Did you feel punished throughout the activities that were happening? It is important that we try to see things from the perspective of our children. We need to remember that they are small and be sure that we are not giving unfair consequences. I (Micah) related to this as I have a 2 year old. I have recently been trying to stop, slow down and allow things to take longer than I am used to or let my daughter learn when I could do things better or easier.
(I have been trying to let the 2 year old help me in food prep. She was supposed to be buttering our bread for dinner. She ate most of it. Ever since this evening she asks, “Where’s mine bucket? Please get mine bucket!” So the sugar bucket no longer lives in the cupboard.)
One thing that has definitely helped is just to remember she is a person. I know that sounds incredibly basic, but when we are dealing with older people, we usually explain our reasoning for things. So now when I am in a hurry, for example, trying to get to the grocery store so that we can be back at a decent time for lunch and naps, instead of snapping at my daughter and saying, “I told you to put those shoes on. Hurry up!”, I can take a calmer and more acceptable approach. “Honey, I would like for us to hurry along. Since you didn’t get your shoes on while I was getting your brother ready, I am going to put them on you. We need to get going so we can come back home and eat lunch!”
Things to remember:
-Clear expectations
-Stick to what you say
-Let your child experience the natural consequences
-If you need to discipline, use logical consequences
-Breathe! It can be difficult to start implementing this way of parenting, but it is so much better than yelling, giving threats, and being stressed out.
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Disclaimer: The authors of this online curriculum are not therapists, and are not authorized to give personalized advice to any of the readers. The content of this lesson plan is the creation of the authors alone and does not represent any other entity or organization.
Resources
Grusec, J. E., Danyliuk, T., Kil, H., & O’Neill, D. (2017). Perspectives on parent discipline
and child outcomes. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 41(4), 465-471.
doi:10.1177/0165025416681538
Mageau, G. A., Lessard, J., Carpentier, J., Robichaud, J., Joussemet, M., & Koestner, R.
(2018). Effectiveness and acceptability beliefs regarding logical consequences and mild
punishments. Journal Of Applied Developmental Psychology, 5412-22.
doi:10.1016/j.appdev.2017.11.001
Rasmussen, P. R. (2014). The Tasks, Challenges, and Obstacles of Parenting. Journal of
Individual Psychology. Retrieved March 16, 2018, from
Rehme, C. M. (n.d.). The Truth of Consequences. Retrieved March 16, 2018, from
Unknown. (2018, March 04). Mom Babble by Mary Katherine Backstrom. Retrieved March
09, 2018, from https://www.facebook.com/MomBabble/posts/1764456093623836
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